Did You Let Go?

Have you ever had a traumatic experience (to any degree) in your life? Maybe when you were younger or it could have been when you were a little older, which shaped how you viewed life, people, and relationships?  It may not have been as tragic as someone else’s, but nonetheless, it changed you in some kind of way…

I think we all have.

I have a question: Did this experience help you or hurt you?  Let me be a little more specific.

Did you use it as a crutch or as a footstool?  Did you use it to magnify your weaknesses or as a sharpening tool to increase your strengths?  Does your experience control you or motivate you?

All of these questions are necessary because I’ve watched people who are close to me, as well as those who I may never meet, use certain experiences to explain who they are. Is it true that your experiences define things about you along the way? Yes! But...does it mean if that definition isn’t serving you in the best way possible, it shouldn’t be changed? No!

What am I saying? There are some people who hold on to what happened to keep themselves from becoming the person they should be. They use their experience to make those around them adjust to what happened to them.

Is that fair? Absolutely not!  And most of the time all of this happens because we won’t do the “F” word.  I think you know what it is.

Yep…forgive.

Now I know that some of you cringed and that’s ok!  I’m here to tell you that forgiveness is sooooooo powerful!  It’s not something that is magical or mystical and once you do it, the sun comes out and everything is just peachy! It’s actually the opposite. A transformation happens…but you don’t realize it until it’s done. It can feel pretty awkward…uncomfortable…never ending.  You can even play with idea that you were crazy for doing it. How do I know? I’ve done it.

The other day, I’m watching another Netflix series😊, about a young girl who is separated from her father when she’s five years old.  Her dad is a photographer, and he was taking pictures one day.  She wandered off in the crowd and he never found her. Her mother was LIVID and of course blamed the dad for losing their child.  However, the young girl was raised by some amazing people in a whole different country.

Once she grew to become a teenager, the couple that raised her encouraged her to find her biological parents.  And so, she did!  Once in her home country of Korea, she was there a little while before finding her birth parents.  And ironically, her mother was in search of her as well…at the same time she arrived to find them. Isn’t that craaazy?! 

The way she found her mother was absolutely phenomenal. Sorry I can’t give details, I’m trying to give you the edited version…lol!  But once she went to her mother’s home to meet her twin brother, father, and grandmother for the first time in her life, she said something so profound to her father upon meeting him.  Of course, her father was an emotional wreck to finally have found her and confirm that she was really alive!  And the way that everything happened, you have to know that he blamed himself for all those years they missed with her, due to him trying to take pictures and losing her.  Are you ready for this?  I sure wasn’t.

When her mother introduced her to her father, he was crying uncontrollably, and she started crying as well. But her first words to him were:

“I’m sorry I let go of your hand.”

Let me say it again.  She said: “I’m sorry I let go of your hand.”

Whewwwwwwwwww!!!!!

This is a prime example of not allowing your experience to feel like someone’s foot stepping on you and holding you down, but actually a hand that pulls you up! In that moment, she freed her father from any guilt he felt all the years she’d been gone.  Even though she was a young child, she took responsibility for what happened.  Although she’d lost time, she focused on the moment that she didn’t know she’d ever get… which was the day she reunited with her family!

And so it goes with us.  When we take what happened to us and allow it to discern the best for us, it can bring us to moments we dreamed of, but didn’t think possible.

But the only way we can experience such moments, is that if there’s any reason we could’ve played a small part in anything that happened to us in our past, we take accountability where there’s room to do so. Even if it’s a small percentage, that alone can you give you a different perspective and outlook. Sometimes, forgiveness means to forgive yourself for opening the door for certain things to happen.

All I’m saying is that forgiveness frees you and the other person!  How?  Mentally, you can move on from that space, time, and that person (especially if nothing’s changed about them). And not only that, but it also doesn’t become something you lean on for the rest of your life.  I’ve seen people in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, and up, use one incident to condone their unhealthy behavior. When this happens, this in turn causes you to make those around you pay for what they had nothing to do with. Do you see why it’s important to forgive?  There are soooo many layers and blessings when you do.

Please know that I understand that there are some instances that shape people permanently due to the magnitude or weight of what took place.  Even then?  I’ve seen people learn to navigate differently, despite any past scenario. As I said earlier, your perspective on any experience in your life, ultimately decides how you live life moving forward! But I have one question for you:

Did someone lose you? Or did you let go?

I guarantee you that whichever one of those you can identify with, will instantly change how you live from today onward. Whatever the case may be, know that if you let go, it’s okay.  It doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you human, which means you’re forgivable.

And since you’re "forgive worthy"? Afford the same gift to someone else.

It will change your life!

Maybe letting go can turn out to be a good thing, after all.