Sobering Sunday

*Disclaimer: I wrote this blog post on Mother’s Day, in the thick of the pandemic, in 2020. Take this journey with me and I’ll see you at the end!

May 12, 2020:

Well, it’s a beautiful Mother’s Day! It’s supposed to be raining, but to my pleasant surprise, the Sun is out! I get up and call my Mom, send out texts to celebrate all the Mothers I know, fix myself some breakfast and get ready for online church.

As I’m doing all of these things, it hits me for the first time in 41 years:

I may never……be...a Mother.

Do I believe that I can be? Yes!

Do I believe that it’s too late? Absolutely not!

Do I believe that I’m too old? Definitely not!

It is never a thought that taunted me, until now.

Once I thought about it, an overwhelming sadness came upon me. For the first time in my life…ever.

While I understand that everything happens for a reason, I just sat with that thought. I thought of how I may never get to laugh at what my daughter/son says, or I may never get to watch how they get some things from me. I may never get to watch them develop their craft. I may never get to teach them all of things that I learned late. I may never get to tell them, their getting on my nerves…lol! I may not get to see…will they look like me? Even a little? Will they be picky like me? All of these questions…that may never… get……answered.

I am a person of faith. BIG faith.

I believe with everything in me, that I can become a Mother in my 40s’. I know 40 something year old Mama’s who are AMAZING and ROCKING Motherhood! So, I’m not shaken by any of that!

I simply had a sobering moment.

Could I have been a Mother by now? Sure! I just didn’t want to do it alone. It wasn’t a desire of mine. However, I’m not short of offers to be a Baby Mama…lolol!!! But what I do have? Are a million nieces, nephews, and some oh so sweet Goddaughters who are destined for greatness!!!

Although this was a moment, I do realize that I’m blessed to know some children who will most certainly change this WORLD. Just sharing my…sobering Sunday.

Have you had one of these? Maybe not the same as mine, but another one. Don’t worry. Think of the positive side of that thought and live there…don’t stay too long in the sobering moment. Acknowledge it, deal with it, process it and work through it. Don’t be held captive by something you can’t set the timer on. The Bible says, that the “times and seasons are in God’s hands…” (paraphrasing). Although it’s not up to you, accept that it’s just not the timing for that, right now.

And here’s the flip side: What if the timing NEVER comes????????

I will trust that God has to have a reason for it and know that it’s no type of punishment. Is that easier said than done? Yes it is!!! But it’s absolutely possible.

My sobering Sunday was nothing more than another realization that I’ve come to in my life. It doesn’t warrant pity or sympathy, but rather it’s something that strengthens my belief in the fact that God already knew this…nothing takes Him by surprise!

I love children. Again, I have some of the most AMAZING nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews and great-great nieces and nephews. My goddaughters??? INCREDIBLE. I can’t wait to see what all the things these little people are going to be. With all of this said, it still didn’t change the realization that I came to on Mother’s Day.

I believe with God, that all things are possible. My doubt is nowhere in Him, but in people that He’s spoken to and they decide not to do anything. There’s that thing I can’t control again…

But I won’t let it hold me captive.

I’ll “mother” those put in my path to the best of my ability and try to influence them to become the best version of their God intended selves.

Children? May not be in the “cards” for me, as well as some other things.

Wellllll…what do you know? Another sobering moment, except as I write this…it’s now Tuesday.

But there are some things that are in the “cards” for me.

Maybe I’ll write about that next.

May 14, 2024:

I’m back, just as I promised😊 And now, it’s the same Tuesday after Mother’s Day, except…it’s 2024.

I’m 45…and still not…a Mother! You know what’s changed? Glad you asked!

I’m settled because I’m putting on what fits.

That probably doesn’t sound really big or major, but it’s true and pivotal. I can’t focus on what hasn’t happened, due to all the good that has happened. I’ve been reminded of how intentional God is, in the last four years of my life.

HIS PLAN IS TAILORED SPECIFICALLY FOR ME!!!

Have you ever had a dress that was your size, but still didn’t fit well? Once you take it to the tailor and he puts pins in your dress in certain places, you leave it with him/her, return to pick it up, and the dress looks amazing. All because it now…fits.

We worry and project on others about things that may only fit us. You have to know your body type and what compliments/accentuates your build. But also, you can’t forfeit certain things that fit, just because you’re afraid to try it on! Let that sink in…

I’m saying all of this to say, I’m only interested in what…that’s right…fits. Everything that God has designed for me, according to how He made me, is what I want. But you know the beauty in it all? Where you may not see a physical manifestation of some things, it doesn’t mean you can’t possess the intangible connected to it. For example, although I don’t have biological children, my maternal instinct? Is sooooo strong!!!

So, loving those who come after me or are entrusted to me, simply…fits.

How interesting! Another sobering moment…a good one, I might add, in 2024. Wearing what fits, means you’re comfortable, you can do what you have to with ease and focus better. When things are too tight or too loose, it can be frustrating. My measurements look nothing like someone else's.

I hope you understand that if you still have questions about anything you thought would’ve happened by now or things you’re waiting for to happen, keep in mind that your enjoyment of those things will depend solely on the fit. When I wear shoes that are too tight or too loose versus a perfect fit, I even walk differently.

What is your sobering moment? Are you trying to put on things that don’t fit? Only you know…

I will conclude with this: don’t let anyone give you anything that doesn’t fit and don’t pass up anything you’re simply afraid to try on, because it just might.

Recognize your right now and use it, to see your future. Tell me what you come up with.

After all, with God as your tailor, remember that His attention to detail has never been duplicated. What He's designed for you, is going to look better than you could've ever imagined. I can't wait to see what you look like, once you, try it on.